M. Schroeder
English 101
November 23, 2016
Thesis: Much of today's society has become extremely dependent towards technology which has influenced us to become more and more lazy.
I. Intro.
II. Converse about the sudden supply and demand of electronics.
- Origin
- Yearly statistical growth
- Brief description of a few inventions that have made "life easier".
- The negative affects of those inventions towards society
- Discuss the growth of impatience and laziness in people
- How we treat anything that can access the internet as a member of the family
- Children showing signs of poor academic performance, and writing skills
- No social relationships
- Possible memory loss
- Explain the other side of the argument
- (opposing supportive detail)
- show its flaw
Cameron,
ReplyDeleteI think that if you want to get more writing into your paper, you could divide III. into a few different paragraphs. For example, you can pick one example write a paragraph about it, why it's bad/good and what could be done to change it, and then pick another example to do the same. That way people see a lot of facts, I think the best way to write a persuasive essay is to let the facts speak for themselves.
I would like to thank you for your feedback and the ideas that you gave me to improve my outline. I made some changes and added more to my outline and followed your advice about splitting up my previous paragraph three into a less vague and made it into two new paragraphs.
DeleteThis is a very good topic to argue about. There are so many different views on how it is effecting our every day lives. This is a very relevant topic and it should be a great read!
ReplyDeleteI think it looks better after Kaylin's suggestions, Cameron! As you begin to write, always consider that paragraphs need to be split up into shorter, more concise paragraphs, rather than jammed with too much information.
ReplyDelete